


I Wish You'd Fuck Me Up

by 3jelly_beanss



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Buzzfeed Unsolved References, Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, Cuddling, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, No Smut, Oneshot, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Teasing, The Ghoul Boys (Buzzfeed Unsolved), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, bad language, ryan is an anxious mess but shane calms him down but also infuriates him with jokes, shyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25771966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3jelly_beanss/pseuds/3jelly_beanss
Summary: “What if I don’t wanna? What’ll you do to me, Mister Bergara?” Shane asked bumping his friend in the shoulder with his arm.“I could fuck you up, Shane.”“Oh really?” Ryan turned to see a smug grin spread across Shane’s face.(In which Shane teases Ryan to no end and Ryan decides later he may just do something about it. Inspired by and containing parts of the Ohio State Reformatory episode of BFU Supernatural S4)
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 6
Kudos: 164





	I Wish You'd Fuck Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> this is stupid but i wanted some fluff and their banter in the Ohio State Reformatory episode made me think of those like 'person A of ship threatens person B who is being annoying, but it just causes sexual tension'  
> so here ya go, enjoy!

The dark was getting to Ryan. The small voices he could hear whispering in his ears were unsettling to say the least. The prison was huge, metal, and echoey. Distant noises reached his sensitive ears. His heart was racing.

“Why don’t ya go on down there, buddy?” Shane asked, an innocent smile on his face, as he pointed down a dark hallway.

The darkness was thick, like it was a tangible thing pressing down on Ryan. He gulped. “You know, I think I will!” He ambled slowly down the hallway.

Shane sat at the end of the hallway, a barely contained gleeful expression on his face. Ryan almost wanted to smack him.

“Hello? I’m separating from the group!” He cried into the darkness. Why hadn’t Shane followed him again? They quipped back and forth from opposite ends of the hallway, coming to the topic of Ryan dying on the spot. He started to walk back into earshot of his friend when he heard Shane muttering to the cameraman.

“I don’t understand what’s wrong with Ryan sometimes,” he mused.

“What? What was that?”

“Hm? Ryan? Nothing. I didn’t say anything. Why don’t you walk back on down that hallway?” Ryan could see Shane’s face, feigning innocence thought he could see through his bullshit charade. His eyes were crinkling at the edges, as they did when he was silently laughing at Ryan.

“I got a better idea; why don’t you go fuck yourself?” Ryan spat at Shane, the grin on his face betraying him.

“Oh, okay.”

“And how about I don’t do that.” Ryan ended shortly, walking back to meet Shane. Somehow, the tall fool managed to annoy and infuriate him, but he couldn’t help but be comforted by his presence. Stupid Shane with his skepticism and his ability to immediately calm Ryan’s nerves.

The night in the prison continued, and Shane got progressively sillier. He fucked with and gave Ryan’s personal information to ghosts. They harmonized in a chapel that creeped Ryan out to no end. They found a bird nest that had sounded like muffled conversation. Ryan was endlessly grateful it wasn’t.

They prepared for individual investigation of a terrible cell called The Hole, Ryan’s anxiety mounting by the minute. They decided Shane should go first, which Ryan usually hated, as the big man always came back trying to scare him with a smug smile on his face. He questioned all of his life choices as he sat alone in the dark prison, waiting for Shane to join him again.

He couldn’t just sit still, so he wandered off to a cell block he had forgotten to explore.

He heard Shane distantly ‘talking to air’ as the tall man liked to say. He explored the empty cell block, but quickly returned to the entrance of The Hole after hearing suspicious bangs and creaks above him.

Shane emerged and made a lame attempt to try and scare him before he went it. It was useless, didn’t he know? Ryan’s heart was already racing and he felt like crawling out of his skin at the smallest noise. But Shane’s stupid words calmed him down a bit. It was infuriating how comforting Ryan found him.

“You do know I hate you, right?” Ryan told him before he went it. There was unmistakeable fondness in his wavering, scared voice.

“Pretty spooky…” Shane teased with a small smile and Ryan was off into the dark.

The solitary investigation was thoroughly terrifying for Ryan. The obnoxious noise of the Spirit Box, the ominous whispers, and the oppressive silence combined to drive him almost crazy. He managed to forget the Spirit Box and had to return down the terrifying corridor to get it, which was terrible considering how he’d taunted and antagonized the ghosts just before he left.

Ryan was soon reunited with Shane and was able to walk back with him and finally leave the cursed, horrific prison. As their matching boots clacked down the corridors, Shane teased him.

“Tough season for the Boogaras, little guy.” He said, faking sincerity.

“Fuck you, Shane. Seriously, shut up, man.” Ryan replied, adrenaline flowing through him and making his hands shake.

“What if I don’t wanna? What’ll you do to me, Mister Bergara?” Shane asked bumping his friend in the shoulder with his arm.

“I could fuck you up, Shane.”

“Oh really?” Ryan turned to see a smug grin spread across Shane’s face. He tried to glare in response, but gave up in favor of chuckling. Shane was talking again. “Seriously, Ryan, what could you do to me with your little, tiny baby fists?”

Ryan stares up at him, a small smile on his face. Their cameraman, Mark, has gone ahead of them to the car, so he was left alone with Shane. The man’s sharp, hawk-like nose was red with the cold and his short brown hair fell messily over his forehead. He had a scruffy beard that matched Ryan’s; they almost always matched. He had a very familiar teasing smile on his face.

“You want me to fuck you up, Shane?” Ryan asked, smirking. Shane was leaning down almost to his eye level. Ryan took this perfect opportunity, Shane’s neck right in front of him, to grab the tall, gangly man by the lapels and pull him closer. Their breath mingled, and Ryan was surprised Shane wasn’t saying anything yet. Was that the normal amount of red on his cheeks? He couldn’t tell, but he could feel his own face heating up, so who was he to mention it?

“Uhm.” Shane muttered, his caramel eyes meeting Ryan’s and flicking downwards. He seemed to flush more, eyes widening.

“My eyes are up here, Madej…” Ryan almost whispered. He hadn’t meant to. He realized he was staring not into Shane’s eyes but his gaze was locked on the man’s small, awkward smile. He released his grip on the tall man’s shirt suddenly and withdrew. He wiped sweaty palms on his pants and kept his eyes on the floor. Shane said nothing. 

They made their way to the car to get on their way to the hotel they were staying at. Ryan tried to think about what he had just been doing, what he had been thinking. He couldn’t seem to come up with a reason he’d want to pull his best friend in by his lapels. He licked his lips nervously and climbed into the backseat next to Shane. The man cracked a few stupid jokes for Ryan, Mark, their cameraman, who was driving, and TJ, who sat in the passenger seat.

The darkness outside a musty, rusting prison was more open, and almost beautiful to Ryan. The town they were in was small, and the lack of air pollution revealed an unusual amount of bright, twinkling stars. 

“Nice night,” Shane murmured beside him. Ryan started, realizing he had gotten out of the car and had been staring at the sky for a few moments.

“Yeah.” He said simply, and Shane nodded, patting him on the shoulder for a second. Ryan turned to watch the man with the long-ass legs stroll into the hotel. The shorter man followed him in after one more look into the dark sky.

Shane and Ryan shared a hotel room, which was a common occurrence after filming Buzzfeed Unsolved for a few years. Two beds that were overly expansive for one person sat in the small room. Shane flicked on the light by the bed closest to the bathroom and threw his bag down onto the bad before collapsing there himself. It made sense. They liked to film episodes late at night for the true witching hour experience, so it was around three in the morning.

Ryan yawned and let himself fall with a loud thump onto the other bed. He huffed loudly and turned to Shane, who had been looking at him already.

“Hey Ryan.”

“Hi, big guy.”

At the nickname, a small smile creeped onto Shane’s face and he closed his eyes happily.

“Ha,” Ryan whispered, “Cute.”

Shane’s eyes flickered open and Ryan didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t meant for that to slip out. Shane filled the silence. “Cuter.” He said, eyes locked on Ryan’s. “Hey Bergara,” the tall, weary man trailed off.

“What?”

Shane gulped and closed his eyes again. “D’you wanna come on over here?”

“What?”

“Come on over here and fuck me up, little guy. You said you would earlier, didn’t you? This bed fits two.” Shane wasn’t looking at him but Ryan’s mouth was hanging open slightly.

He got up slowly. Shane sat up and took off his shoes, boots that matched Ryan’s, and Ryan took the hint that he should do the same. When he looked back, Shane was lying on his side, not facing him. Ryan had an idea.

“Shane. Shaney boy? Turn over a sec.” The big man with his long limbs rolled over onto his back. Ryan approached the bed and flopped unceremoniously onto Shane’s chest.

Shane got some of the air knocked out of him, muttering a deep, “hOof, Ryan.”

Ryan scooched off of the big man a bit, but he left an arm and a leg draped over Shane’s body. Shane slapped these off and Ryan turned to his friend from where he lay on his stomach.

What am I doing, the short anxious man thought. For once, he couldn’t dwell on it because Shane was flopping on top of him now.

“Agh, man!” Ryan breathed in the piney, almost dusty scent of Shane’s shampoo. The man’s head lay on his chest, just inches from his chin, long legs splayed out behind him. Ryan’s hand found its way to Shane’s back. The small man could feel Shane’s warmth seeping into his bones, making him sleepier. Ryan couldn’t tell why, but he wanted to run his fingers through Shane’s short, messy brown hair. So he did. Shane started to hum into his chest, almost like a cat would purr. Their chests rose together, and Ryan could feel the big man’s breathing vibrating through his body.

“Shane?” He whispered.

Shane looked up at him, chin propped on the man’s chest. “Hm?” A dopey smile was on his face.

“Is this… okay?” He tried to take a deep breath, but it was shaky with nervousness.

Shane nodded slowly, thoughtfully, and then looked up at Ryan through short brown eyelashes. “If it’s okay with you, Ry.”

“Wha- I- don’t leave it up to me!” He said, flustered. He also knew he didn’t want Shane to get up.

“Fine. Cuddle time, babey. You just stay right there, alright? I’m gonna cuddle you and there’s not a fucking thing you can do about it.” Shane teased, eliciting a few giggles from Ryan.

“Oh yeah, big guy?” Ryan sat up and managed to fling Shane onto his back, straddling his waist with his legs. Their noses were almost touching. Ryan didn’t know what came over him, but he placed a gentle kiss on the tall man’s pink nose.

Shane froze and looked up into Ryan’s dark brown eyes. Ryan could see a blush on his cheeks. The giant man wrapped his arms around his best friend and pulled him into a kiss. Ryan was not prepared for the longing he could feel in Shane’s greedy lips, but he leaned in anyways.

The two men pulled apart breathlessly. Ryan chuckled softly and got off of Shane, falling down on his back next to him. He licked his lips, thinking about the taste of Shane that lingered there: sweet and somehow smoky. The mint Ryan has eaten earlier left a cool taste in his mouth that mingled with Shane’s. 

“Well, Ryan, I must say,” Shane started, his voice thick and barely audible. “You really fucked me up.”

Ryan wheezed. “W- what does that mean?”

Shane turned to Ryan, leaning on his elbow. “Ryan Bergara, you’ve fucked me up. I think I’m addicted.”

Ryan laughed again and covered his face, now flushed red, with his hand. “Big guy, if anyone’s addicted, it’s me.” He mumbled.

Shane smiled that big, dopey smile Ryan loved. He pulled his best friend close, and they fell asleep quickly in the warmth and solace of each other’s arms.


End file.
